


Something Close To Remorse

by Sleigh



Category: Elephant
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Friendship/Love, M/M, Murder, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-06
Updated: 2012-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-01 14:02:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/357632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sleigh/pseuds/Sleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex didn't think he'd have trouble killing anyone that day. But for some reason one death is affecting him in a way he never anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Close To Remorse

Without a moment's hesitation, Alex shot a bullet directly through the heart of his best and only friend. Pulling the trigger on Eric was just as easy as killing off the dozens of other students he already took down. That's how it felt at first.

Eric was Alex's best friend, but they weren't exactly friends in the traditional sense. Alex looked at Eric as simply a kindred spirit, a like-minded tool he could use to kill more of his classmates. Alex always got the feeling Eric looked at their friendship differently, but he didn't care. As long as Eric was willing to follow along with him, that's all that mattered. Eric was just a tool, not much more than a living, breathing weapon. That was it.

So why did this feel so different from killing the others?

Alex quickly paced back and forth in the cafeteria, his footsteps echoing off the high ceiling. The entire room smelled like blood and off-brand spaghetti, a nauseating combination. He just killed Eric. So what, why did it matter? Eric sentenced himself to death the moment he agreed to this. Alex didn't take anything from him, he lost it all when he shot the first student. He would've ended up getting killed by the cops or himself anyway, Alex just took him out a little early. No big deal.

Except it was a big deal, and Alex couldn't figure out why. Eric was just some stupid loser who followed him around and hung out with him when nobody else wanted to. He sat through Alex's piano playing and occasionally offered compliments or words of encouragement. He shared any new games he bought with Alex, always eager to try them out with him. He always understood and related to Alex whenever his frustration boiled over and he ranted about it to him. Eric always said he wanted to kill whoever decided to victimize Alex that day, always seemed so serious and genuinely angry about it. And stupid, _stupid_ Eric was even willing to die with Alex, to follow his plan, to help him take out all the people who ever messed with them.

And this morning even, that loser just casually hopped in the shower with Alex like it was the most natural thing he'd ever done, and as soon as Alex just made some offhanded comment about never kissing anyone, stupid Eric started kissing him. And it wasn't like he was just going through the motions of it all, it was like he meant it, and Alex was kissing him back and looking at it now maybe Eric actually cared about him, really cared about him, maybe _loved_ him even, and then Alex just killed him without a shred of sympathy and—

Alex turned and shot one of the walls in frustration, two, three, four times. Alex almost wanted to shoot Eric some more instead of the wall, but at the same time he wanted to rush over and rip the bullet out of Eric's chest, like that would bring him back, like that would change any of this, like maybe then he could figure out what the hell he was feeling.

But Alex didn't even look at Eric. He couldn't turn back just because of some unnecessary feelings he couldn't shake. Eric didn't matter, regardless of what those pointless feelings kept telling him. What mattered was finishing the job, and standing around in the cafeteria pacing in a puddle of blood and tomato sauce wasn't going to get him his revenge. But he knew what would.

Alex set off for the school freezer without so much as glancing back in Eric's direction. Taking out the two people pathetically trying to hide there didn't make him feel much better. He even made sure their deaths were drawn out, made them squirm, got to see those terrified looks on their faces as they begged him not to do it, not to hurt them. But why shouldn't he? He finally shot the boy first, then the girl. Eric's death seemed to start a trend of dissatisfaction, because these kills weren't nearly as thrilling as the past ones either. Sure, playing around with them before killing them was entertaining, but pulling the trigger just didn't feel the same anymore. Stupid Eric was probably to blame.

Not seeing the point in sticking around in the icy freezer, Alex walked back to the cafeteria, even though it smelled horrible. Now that he'd killed just about everyone around, and killing them wasn't even fun anymore, it seemed like a good time to use one last bullet. No way in hell was he going to let some cops be the ones that killed him.

Alex took a seat on the floor near Eric. Not too close to him, he didn't feel like sitting in a pool of blood. But close enough. He didn't know why he felt like being near him, he just did, and he wasn't going to give it too much thought. It seemed like Eric was almost always somewhere near him, so not having him there at the very end would have felt weird. Alex didn't hesitate to kill anyone, not even himself. But still, he wondered what dying would be like. If it turned out there really was some heaven or hell, would Eric be there? Why did it matter if Eric was there anyway?

Alex was reading to put the muzzle of the gun in his mouth and shoot when he paused for a moment, glancing back at Eric. He didn't know what or why, but he felt like he should say something. He wasn't sure what remorse felt like, but he was fairly certain this was it, and for some reason saying something to a corpse would make him feel a little better. What should he even say? Sorry? You were an awesome friend? There's a chance I might've felt something for you but I didn't even consider it until I shot you to death?

"Thanks." Alex couldn't pinpoint just one thing to thank him for, so a general thank you worked. It meant thanks for going along with this plan. Thanks for being his only real friend. Thanks for legitimately caring. Thanks for being around, because even if neither of them were saying anything it was nice just being together. Thanks for believing in him, thanks for kissing him, thanks for being exactly what he needed. 'Sorry' didn't feel right, and he would've felt stupid mentioning his feelings, like Eric would somehow come back to life and laugh at him for sounding like a mushy idiot. Not that Alex would've had a problem with Eric being alive again, but…

It was time to just get everything over with. Without letting anything else distract him first, Alex pulled the trigger for the final time, on himself.

**Author's Note:**

> I've wanted to write this fic for at least a year now lol. Unfortunately, I haven't seen the movie since then, so there may be some inaccuracies. Sorry about that.


End file.
